Dad 100WC- week 23

One sunny morning in a busy city there was a remarkable dad named Steve. He would do everything for his children. So when they were strolling in a busy morning when then they were heading out of the city. So they did. However they discovered a yellow and golden . Later by noon they were back at their apartment however they found out that the trophy was from the 1890s olympics. Later after they kept the trophy and made 12,000$ out of it. Two years later Steve was a boss of a construction company called 108 America and he made 20 billion dollars a year and became very rich. By Miquel

One thought on “Dad 100WC- week 23

  1. Hi Miquel,

    I liked your opening sentence ‘One sunny morning in a busy city’. It’s really important to proofread your work as some of your sentences don’t make sense.

    “So when they were strolling in a busy morning when then they were heading out of the city. So they did. However they discovered a yellow and golden .” You had already written that it was a busy city and a sunny morning, so you didn’t need to say busy morning. What did they discover? A yellow and golden what? You then introduced a trophy in the next sentence, was that what they had discovered? When you write $12000, the dollar sign goes before the numbers. I was a bit confused by the last sentence as it didn’t tie in well with your story. It was a busy city, Steve would do anything for this children, they find a trophy and then it is two years later and Steve is the boss of a construction company. Try to be more clear on where your story is going. Pick a simple idea and just write about that. You’re only writing 100 words.

    From Ms Fitzgerald

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