Strange – 100WC Week 21

Chapter 1 Work.

One stormy day in my office I typed on my computer editing the CEO files Well I am the CEO I thought to myself. Meanwhile a little kid runs into the server room and shuts off the server. Ok back to me.

“Man” I say I that little kid then it’s back online I go downstairs and leave.

 

Chapter 2 home at last.

“Back home” I say while jumping on the couch; Suddenly the lights go out. I rush to my office shut the doors and sit. I turn on the cameras for outside and see someone strange then BOOM! The door comes down and I see…

 

By Marcus

One thought on “Strange – 100WC Week 21

  1. Hi Marcus,

    I think you had a good idea for your writing but I think you can improve how you have written it. I wouldn’t include “Well I am the CEO I thought to myself”. Then your next sentence “Meanwhile a little kid runs into the server room and shuts off the server. Ok back to me.” is in present tense and should be in past tense. Did you know the little kid did this? Was “Ok back to me” necessary? If you are “back home” in chapter 2, how can you run to the office or do you a home office? It’s a bit confusing. Make sure to re-read your writing to ensure it makes sense. I look forward to seeing more adjectives and adverbs in your writing also.

    From Ms Fitzgerald

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