All the lights went out

One night when I was watching tv with my family.

Then all of a sudden the lights went off I heard our dogs barking outside the engine box on the roof.

My Mum and Dad told me to go up on the and check what happened I look up nothing happened then I looked closer and there was a…

 

By Nate

One thought on “All the lights went out

  1. Hi Nate,

    This writing piece is a bit short. It would have been great to write a bit more and not have the cliff hanger so soon. Your first sentence isn’t a full sentence ‘One night when I was watching TV with my family’….if you use ‘when’ then you must continue the sentence. You needed to re-read your writing and ensure it makes sense and you have included full stops where they should be, e.g Then all of a sudden the lights went off I heard our dogs barking outside the engine box on the roof

    and

    My Mum and Dad told me to go up on the and check what happened I look up nothing happened then I looked closer and there was a…

    Try to start using some more adjectives and adverbs also.

    From Ms Fitzgerald

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